Late night blogging

Hi Blog...

I'm back to ramble on some stuff... cause I'm not tired... It's 12.40am right now and trust me to sleep the whole afternoon until I'm not tired at this time.. haiz.. well since I've not been updating, thought I could just post an entry...

One more month to go before I'm flying off.. yes.. one more month.. am I excited? kind of.. am I sad? kind of.. am I scared? kind of.. lots of mixed feelings.. but I guess this is a good thing for me.. I hope this is a good thing for me.. NO, actually it IS a good thing for me, gotta believe in it... but I'll be lying if i said I wasn't scared at all..

And cause of some changes in life, the uncertainty and unknowns just got bigger and my fears too. Although so far all's well when talked out, but you just can't help feeling there's something.. something which may go wrong, something not right, something which may happen.

I think of the past, and I get scared whether some similar stuff or mindsets would come back to me again. Whether I'm more mature this time. Whether I've got the equation right.

I think of what I'm doing now, and I seem more mature, yet there are some things which just don't go away... I try to change my ways, but I realize it isn't so easy - so I try to hide them... sometimes I feel i'm never satisfied, yet I don't know what I want to BE satisfied, so basically I can never ever be satisfied.. so I just train myself to let things go..

rambling again... oh well...

life is hard isn't it... It's just meant to be that way...

I feel like a bad person now actually, demanding for too much, requesting for things, not feeling happy when things don't go my way, always complaining, always needy. Want ppl to give in to me, being nasty sometimes... I don't know... I just don't know. I think I'm a little scared now, scared to be myself when I'm feeling down or irritated or unhappy.

Then again... maybe I ought to just go sleep now, and all these unhappy and hurtful thoughts would just go away and things won't seem so terrible.

I think I'm thinking too much again...